i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
