So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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