And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
