It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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