he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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