Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
