i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize