I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
