whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She bit a glass in half.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
