Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
