remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
