I'm going to jail i love you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
