Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
