You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sobbing to NWA
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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