Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
