I cannot find my penis.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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