Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I forget how to act sober
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