I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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