It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
