I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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