i think my mom watched the whole time
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
