I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
