he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
