She just used a chaser for red wine.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
