Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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