The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
