real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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