Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
