the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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