Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Is it because I queefed?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
