Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
