I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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