please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize