the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
