Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize