This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
