Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
did i walk over a car last night?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize