do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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