forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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