i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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