She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
