I cockslap morals
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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