You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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