you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
