Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
