I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
