1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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