Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
That reminds me...we need to get swords
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
