Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
