She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
