Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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