You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
