I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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