Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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