smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
