I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize