I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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