i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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