for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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