I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
