dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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