so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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