i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My feet surprised me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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