I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize