Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
