It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
