He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
