Is it because I queefed?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
