no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
