So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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