arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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